Welcome to Finding Divine Feminine! I’m so glad you are here. It means that you are curious, and perhaps even ready to start your spiritual journey to awaken your Divine Feminine.
We’ll get back to that. Allow me the space to share my journey so far.
I’m calling this stage in my spirituality “day one,” though it’s not exactly tied to one specific day. Honestly, I’ve been interested in spells and potions and gems for as long as I can remember -- brewing up potions in my parent’s wooded back yard, drenching myself in crystal jewelry and picking up tumbled gems as they caught my eye. But recently, I’ve begun using and learning about different metaphysical practices. And, as many magical things do, it started with a toxic ex-boyfriend, a bottle of bubbly, and a chance encounter.
In the latter half of 2020, I was going through a really toxic relationship that caused me to lose myself -- something I had never really felt in all my years of life in this body. I had just started therapy to heal myself through the lens of different toxic patterns I found myself falling into in my relationships. I started taking an interest in health and fitness. For the first time in my life, I felt like I wanted to take care of ME -- not my career, not my family or friends, not my significant other. ME. Fast forward a few months, we almost broke up. I didn’t let him break up with me. That’s a whole other story. I really said “THIS is not the way we are going to go down,” as if I already intuitively knew.
Shortly after that big falling out, I attended a small women’s-only event with tarot card readers and “crystal dealers” as I like to call them. Besides the bottomless mimosas, what I remember most about that reading was this: that ending my relationship would lead to my spiritual awakening, and that I will soon be able to end a toxic cycle in my life so that I can eventually meet my soulmate who she said is “a king in the making, he is still healing, too.”
Walking away from that, I felt a strange mix of scared and empowered. Being alone during a global pandemic in a new city really scared me. I was doing everything I could to make that awful relationship work -- and I felt like I was failing. So, I decided to seek out some tools to manifest that reality.
That’s where I met one of my favorite “crystal dealers,” Cyn (@powerful_divine on Instagram). She guided me through her selection of gems. I settled on a blue apatite bracelet and tumbled selenite. I bought a rose quartz necklace from another vendor (@washkagems on Instagram).
That night, I had a killer headache between my eyes. I assumed it was from all the sugary drinks and day drinking. I fell asleep holding the selenite to my third eye. I knew nothing about how to use it, but felt a tingly sense of relief with the pressure of the cold stone between my eyes. The next day, I was talking to my closest friend about my failing relationship. He was sorry for trying to break up with me (lol) and wanted to see me -- suspiciously nice.
I was holding the selenite, rolling it in my fingers and trying to make a decision. The rose quartz around my neck heated up to the point where it was HOT. Like, almost too hot to the touch. I was blown away by that alone. Then, something amazing happened. My selenite just exploded into three pieces. I felt an immediate wave of sadness wash over me. Right away, I felt like I needed to say thank you and sorry to the crystal. My friend and I did some Googling and learned that some crystals will break when they’ve absorbed so much energy and need an extreme cleanse. It’s done its job. But it’s not necessarily “broken” to where it can no longer be used. It may mean that someone in your life needs to receive a piece of that crystal. I brought one piece to my friend who was on the phone, and another piece to my ex who I was talking about when it exploded. I told them both the story and the significance of it, and they appreciated it.
So naturally, in true Sagittarius “go big or go home” fashion, I contacted Cyn and bought a bunch more crystals.
My favorite forms of spiritualistic healing right now are therapy, crystals (carrying an intentional few on me at any time, crystal grids, fiddling with them when I’m anxious, baths, smoke blends, and candles. Just this week, I began learning to read my own tarot cards, practicing on myself and friends.
The theme here is that I’m learning how to listen to my intuition, harness/direct/repel energy, and heal myself and others through metaphysical tools. Each tool is a means to an end, a vehicle for energy, a symbol for: what I’m trying to do, how I’m trying to direct my energy, the outcome I want to manifest, or some affirmation I want to remind myself of. Crystals are a tool. Tarot and oracle cards are tools. Candles and smoke blends are tools. There are different tools for every job, and every individual is drawn to different tools.
You won’t like this, but there is no one answer. There is no one path to finding the divine feminine. Everyone’s journey will be different. We will share, practice, find what works and what doesn’t, bring back old things, create new ways of doing things.
This whole spirituality thing is about finding YOUR vessel for YOUR spirituality. Your spirituality will connect you to OUR world, OUR collective conscious, OUR ancestors. As my respected reiki lady, Dawn (@iam_mysticalmermaid on Instagram) told me:
“Just do whatever feels good to you. Who says you’re supposed to follow the rules?”
Thank you for tuning in during my “Day One.” I hope you’ll follow me as I continue to grow as a spiritualist. I hope my experience inspires you to try new things, to learn your own way of practicing and connecting with your spirituality. I’m not your teacher -- I’m your friend, walking this path with you.
Stay curious. Spread nothing but love. Protect your energy.