“It’s your time to end the toxic cycles in your life” has come up in my readings and signs from the universe A LOT recently. It’s exciting, right? The idea of ending the same cycle or patterns that harm me over and over and over again. Full disclosure, they are mostly involved with my romantic life.
My most recent reading, on Valentine’s Day weekend, said the same thing. It said that the universe has been sending me signs -- which I’ve been receiving, gratefully -- but that I am choosing not to act accordingly. That’s the problem with free will, I suppose.
During that reading, I actually said aloud, “But I kind of want to learn this lesson the hard way.”
For the last 5 months, I’ve been receiving the same message in regards to my love life. I need to retreat in order to end the cycle. It’s not that I’m scared of being alone -- I’m not. Even as the extrovert I am, I enjoy being left alone to do weird crystal girl shit in my room. It’s that every time I try to be alone, I accidentally meet someone, find that I have a connection with them… and tell myself the same thing I always say: “Even if I’m not looking for anything, I won’t deny myself a connection with another human.”
There’s a lot of contradictions in my head. I feel like I’m grappling with what is supposed to happen (according to the messages I’ve been receiving) and what I WANT to do.
These cycles are addicting. High highs and low lows. The adrenaline rush of being fought for, fighting for someone else. But the thing about cycles is that they are cyclical -- you’ll just keep going around, passing the same landmarks, feeling the same emotions. There’s no onward and upward, no growth.
The universe sends us these messages whether we ask for them or not. They are often meant to protect us from learning painful lessons, the hard way, every time. Sometimes we are meant to learn the lesson once and grow from it, and other times we ignore the messages and willingly remain in the same cycle.
Even the most spiritual human is still just a person with free will. You can receive all the advice, messages, and foreshadowing from the universe… and still not be ready to receive it. These messages are not an end-all-be-all.
We still have to work to manifest the changes we want to see and the path that the universe has laid out for us. We still have to make a daily, intentional effort to be sure that our actions and perception align with the guidance we receive.
Some of these messages I am not ready to receive. Sometimes I’ll choose to heed the message, and other times I’ll choose to learn the lesson. That’s okay. I’m human. I’m learning. I’m healing.